Mommy.... Who Is My Teacher?

Okay... so, I've been asked this question by my 3rd grader and 1st grader every day for the past week now. They wait by the mailbox like little vultures... hoping that letters from their new teachers for this year will drop out and smack them on the face like little fly swatters.

Have the letters come? NO

WHEN does school start? TUESDAY

WHAT is TODAY? WEDNESDAY before TUESDAY

When I asked their elementary school's secretary at the Welcome Back Meeting for employees of the district -- it's nice to be a parent AND an employee -- when the letters were coming she promptly replied that they would be mailed tomorrow. I politely asked if I could find out over the phone early and she even MORE politely told me absolutely not.

NOTE: So, does the security of the nation depend on the information about my kids' teachers for this year? Will terrorists swoop down on my school district if the names are given out over the phone early? I mean, COME ON!!!

So, I think to myself....

TOMORROW!? Are they farking MAD? The THURSDAY before TUESDAY they are sending out letters containing the most important answer to the most important question for BOTH of my children at this time in their little lives?

I ask again... Are they farking MAD??????

*sigh*

Ok... so, now I have to explain that the letters will probably come either Friday or Saturday. My 6 year old will say, "What if they don't?" And I'll answer, "Then we go to school on Tuesday and ask someone." And he'll say, "I'm not going to school unless I know who my teacher is. I mean, HOW will I KNOW what room I'm in? HOW will I KNOW who's in my class?" and the questions will continue until the dye-job that I spent $94 on at the salon is completely gone and my eyes are crossed permanently. At that point my 8 year old will sigh and say something like, "Well, I have a one in three chance that I'll get Mrs. Ellison." and then nothing else will come out of his mouth until Tuesday.

And, I'll think...

... Can we go back to June 17th? Life was much easy then....

Two of the Men In my Life

Now... here are the cutest two faces I've ever seen... and two of the four men currently in my life (my husband and our exchange son being the other two). This was taken on the spur of the moment when the two of them were goofing around with one another. I couldn't have asked for a better pic.

Ummmmmmmmmm... bridge?

Ok, so, the kids and I finished reading 'Harry Potter: The Order of the Phoenix' the other night. (I KNOW you're thinking, *Where the HELL has SHE been? That's been out for AGES!*, but I've got a REALLY good reason for being behind the times.

I'm a mom.

P-Sha you say? Well, try doing ANYTHING with three kids under the age of 8 around. Even going to the frikkin bathroom is a momumental activity... so, being caught up with the Harry Potter groupies just hasn't been in my cards. Now, that isn't to say I haven't tried. I've led several evenings of reading using bribery as a key tool to obtain permission to read more than one chapter at a time. I mean, all's fair in reading and war and I want to WIN!

So... this mom thing (even though I digress from Harry and Umbridge at the moment) can really cut into your personal reading time. I mean, I have issues reading the cake box without one of my little darlings yelling, "MOOOOOOMMY!" and me having to divert my attention to the latest catastrophe of the hour. Which usually includes things like, butt wiping, spill containing, TV channel turning, Oobi watching, bug catching, bug smashing, bug funerals, marker closing, wall washing, bath or shower giving, puddle-jumping, toilet unclogging (a whole roll of Dixie Cups will wreak havoc on your plumbing), cricket catching, swing pushing and various other activities that I get called upon to participate in throughout the day.

Of course, don't get me wrong... I LOVE being home with my kids. My husband has offered several times to stay at home and be the Stay-at-Home parent and I've said, "No... that's okay." I'm just stating that my me-time is somewhat limited.

Anyway, back to the book...

All I have to say is that J.K. Rowling is a bit... yeah a BIT disturbed! Who the hell comes up with a quill that when you write with it, the words are written in your own blood from the back of your hand??? *shudders repeatedly* And, this is a KIDS book? What kind of kids...?

*Wait, don't answer that question.*

Let's all face it, this Umbridge woman is SO evil she makes Snape look like Barney (somehow picturing the potions teacher as a large, purple dinosaur makes me giggle). I mean, she's the kind that if she drove a car you'd want it key'd or the tires popped. What would be the equivalent for a broom? The handle gets carved on or the bristles get pulled out?

And Harry... I know he's been manipulated by He-Who-Could-Not-Be-Named at this point but, let's get things straight... THIS woman is as evil as they come (unless you want to count my last semester Spanish professor, Sra. Gifford) and he should have reported her fat butt when things first started. Or AT LEAST told Hermione.... she can solve anything. She's the MacGyver of Hogwarts. Give her a bit of chewing gum and a raffle ticket and she could take on Umbrige with one hand tied behind her back!

Anyway, again I digress....

I just hope that the next book will find someone even MORE gastly to take the place of the portly, google-eyed prof. I need a change of scenery.

(And btw... I KNOW who croaks in that one.)

*sigh*

Say 'YES' to splotches...

1. Family attends BBQ for ASSE Exchange Students... children play in God knows what kind of outdoor plants and eat goodness knows what kind of food while in attendance.

2. Family returns home tired, full and socially satisfied.

3. Family wakes up on Saturday morning to find 30% of 6 1/2 year old son's body covered in red, raised splotchy patches. Son isn't itching... still wants to go to golf lessons with older brother and grandpa. Parents agree.

4. 6 1/2 year old son comes home later (much more golf savvy) and stays splotch-free all afternoon and early evening after 24 hour dose of Claritin.

5. Mom and Dad drop off children at sitter's for evening of adult-based fun.

6. Mom and Dad pick up children. 6 1/2 year old son has 80% of his body covered in red, raised splotchy patches.

7. Mother calls pediatrician (again), runs out to buy Benadryl while dad gives son Aveeno bath in luke-warm water.

8. Mom comes home, gives son Benadryl, mom and dad put son to bed.

Moral of story... red, raised splotches come to those who wait.

New Addition to the Simoni Family

Well... this is the easiest way to have a child...

Exchange Student

Yep, Santos, our temporary exchange student will be staying with us for the entire upcoming school year. Linc and I are thrilled. The kids are thrilled. We hope that Santos is thrilled as well.

Now... OMG... I'm the mother of the 17 year old male! *gulp* Someone help!

A Twist on a Favorite

Now, for all you Harry Potter fans out there... and I KNOW you're out there... ever tried watching the movie in a dubbed over version? Like... Spanish, for instance?

Weeeeeellllllll, gives one a TOTALLY new perspective on having an exchange student and what they go through when they come into this country for a year. HOLY MOLY... I think I might have caught every eighth word and... that's even having seen the movie in English two previous times before! My kids, who didn't seem to care, ate up the movie (we put them to bed before the REALLY scarey parts) and didn't seem to notice a thing. Hehe....

Now if I could only READ the Harry Potter series in Spanish.

Sleep is SO overrated!

Ok... so.. it's 12:36am on the 11th of August. What the hell now?!

I can't get to sleep. Ok, so... I haven't really TRIED to get to sleep yet, but that's just a small detail in the big picture of things.

*rubs eyes*

I hear the dog... well, the BIG dog (Baron... the one that bit my husband on the arm) snoring a few feet away. HE can get to sleep. I see the OTHER dog (Delilah... the Beagle that keeps my neighbor awake) with her head stuck in between two of the couch pillows. SHE can sleep.

I know the cats can sleep because that's all they do ALL day long. Silly animals really. I mean, why did God create cats? Ok, they're fluffy and furry and rub cat hair on your good pants. They look pretty (crazy colors that once made of friend of mine name one 'Puke' because of the way it looked) and the have that subtle 'meow' noise. Other than that... they eat, they sleep, they shed and they OWN your house. Never again... no kitties, no cats. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. ZIP.

My husband can sleep. I can hear his snoring all he way from upstairs. Breathrights! I tell ya... don't EVER run out of those in a house with a snorer.

My kids DEFINITELY can sleep. The cute little muchachos. Nothing else to say there other than... MAN I LOVE THEM.

*rubs eyes again*

So, why the HELL can't I sleep? It's not coffee (can't stand the stuff). It's not Diet Coke (last one was at dinner at 6pm). It's not tea (last one got cold after I had two sips after birthday cake and ice cream tonight for my newly 8 year old son, Anthony). *sigh* THIS is maddening. If anyone out there has any ideas PLEASE let me know.

Alternate uses for $12.00 worth of painter's tape

Ok... so... I wanted to paint three rooms in my house.

I bought Kils, paint, brushes, rollers and $12.00 worth of painter's tape.

My three year old daughter... and alternate uses for $12.00 worth of painter's tape....

1. Stretch it across the doorway to the bathroom so as to catch those in a real hurry to go pee and hear them use words she isn't supposed to know.
2. Roll some in a ball and play with the cat.
3. Tape the refridgerator door shut so only SHE can have the string cheese.
4. Wrap it around your arm for a cast.
5. Wrap it around the CAT'S arm for a cast.
6. Try to wrap it around the dog and get growled at.
7. Hang signs on the diningroom wall with it.
8. Wrap the vaccum handle with it, "... cause it's broken!"
9. Wrap it around curtains so the light from the sun can come in. And...

10. Did I mention taping the cat?

Still here and kicking... A Summer Update

Here I am! I'm still here! I've made it through seven and a half weeks of summer vacation with my 8, 6 and 3 year old. I tell ya, I know now why some mammals eat their young!

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my children and have enjoyed playing with them, taking them to the zoo, making forts, playing gamecube, watching cartoons, running through the sprinker, going to the playground and visiting with friends. HOWEVER, the fighting, yelling, whining, screaming, poking and general unruliness of the past several weeks is starting to fray my nerves and turn my usual brown hair gray.

... And people wonder why mothers (and yes those stay-at-home fathers) everywhere look tired. *rolls eyes* Shall I make a list?!

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Adding to our family's excitement though this summer has been the addition of an exchange student from Mexico. A polite boy, the age of 17, named Santos. He has integrated well with our family (the boys love to play gamecube together) and we have enjoyed sharing our home and daily life with him. It will be a sad day when he leaves to be with his permanent host family for the regular school year.

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Coming up on Aug 21st is my return to work at a local elementary school. Yes, even para-educators have to go back to school, I am no exception. I love it there and the staff and children have made THIS job seem like no job at all. A rarity in this day and age. So, another year with the kids that I've begun to love as my own... how can I go wrong.

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The time spent with Santos has made me remember that I want to keep going with my Spanish classes that I dropped last winter. So, like a good girl, I re-registered for the next class and started praying that I'll have the time and fortitude to finish in December. Now for the hard part... finding the darn money to take the class. Ahhhhh.... money... there's a topic a whole post could be devoted to, but I won't bore you.

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So, alas, you have read in encapsulated form my last seven weeks. Sometimes, it's sad that it can fit into so short a space. At any rate, hopefully I will keep up with this site more than I have been. I owe to myself.

Me