Just when I think I have things figured out and I go reading other folks blogs, I find things were not as I believed and I start doubting, fretting and worrying.
Paranoia is a dangerous bed fellow. It creeps into your soul and never seems to let go. Things that seemed crystal clear begin to cloud and the landscape takes on a shape that is unfamiliar and frightening. This landscape is hard to negotiate and excruciatingly painful. It swallows energy and goodness at an alarming rate, causing all in its path to become disillusioned and confused. It is no way to walk through life.
My choices are few. Continue on this path at great detriment to myself and others or to turn the other cheek... play cheerful and stupid and pray. PRAY that the paranoia was and is only paranoia and not the early emotional warning that I think/thought it was.
This, is the conundrum. The question. The fight.
Is it all worth it? Yes, is my immediate thought. However, some days, I wonder if I'm right.
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